relief in an unexpected way…
So i dropped the whole premed deal. I dropped chemistry. i dropped the major major amounts of money i would have been making if i stuck with this choice. and why you may ask?? because i won’t be happy. i won’t be doing it for the right reasons and in the end i’ll be cheating myself out of ten precious years of my life.
so i’m regrouping, starting a new army, making a new extreme makeover team and redirecting my life in coordinance with my interests! oh the horror! who wouldve thought you can actually do that? do something you love and have it be ok?? not me …. until now. it took a lot of thinking, alot of tears ( i was a mess on monday) and without my other half i would probably be stuck. but i’ve come to the conclusion that i’m going to become a business major, major in managment and eventually, god willing, i’ll open up my own business, whatever it may be.
one thing i learned and that i believe everyone should realize is that you can force yourself to love something but in the end no matter how hard you put up that million dollar smile, you are crushed from the inside. your head is giving you stop signs but you keep going because its what you “like” and want to do. you have to learn to step back from the situation and kinda smack urself in the head and say what the hell am i doing?? you have to be able to not BE AFRAID. don’t be scared to not know where you’re heading in life. dont be afraid that what you finally decided to do gives you major panic exciting butterfly attacks in your stomach everytime you think about it. dont be afraid to step out of what other people want from you and do what you want to do. dont be scared to take control of your fucking life! wow i sound liek a really bad self-improvement book or something haha.
but i’m not just talking about school and work and what you end up doing with your life. i’m also talking about social life. you have to apply the same kind of mindset for your relationships and hopeful relationships. you can’t just sit back and hope that somehow through the grace of the buddhist gods, that that cute guy is gonna come up to you and talk to you and fall in love with you and buy you an amazing diamond ring and you’re gonna live happily ever after. WRONGGGGG. you gotta get off ur ass and approach him, put yourself out there, and do what you need to do to be happy, which is the ultimate goal.. now isnt it???
