One of those sweatpants days.
Frustration epitomizes my mood for the day. I’m just so sick of certain things in my life. A couple of the things are my weight. I’ve been so up and down in the past couple years and i can NEVER keep the weight off. I just love going out to eat and i really lose myself while i’m doing it. i’m not ashamed to admit it. But, at some point i really just have to stop daydreaming and stuffing my face and think about my health. I’m not yearning to be stick thin, i actually think it would be physically impossible for me to get super skinny but i jsut want to be at a weight where i can love my body and love what i’m wearing and not have to resort to my fat jeans because its the only thing thats fitting me at the moment. Its also a confidence boost. I dont think i lack confidence but being comfortable in my body wouldnt exactly hurt either.
I really have to find that certain motivation to just go for it. I know they say you cant do things for other people and succeed. So i guess i have to be selfish and do it essentially for myself and no one else. It makes sense but its the action thats always the hardest. I think i should jsut take it day by day and not overwhelm myself. Thats what i tend to do, overwhelm myself. what a horrible thing.
Another thing i’m frustrated by is that things are never as easy as i want them to be and i mean i get that. I get that you can’t just go up to that special person and confess your love to them and everything will be fucking dandy. It doesnt work that way and if it does than, well i’m sorry to say, that relationship wont last long i.e my last relationship. I understand you have to work for what you want and you have to put yourself out there so you can swept off your feet but what if theres no one in sight?? what the hell do you do then? i’m sick of thinking up these perfect things to say and waiting for the perfect time to say them. I’m sick of being overly optimistic. I’m wasting my time.
wow i dont mean to sound so ridiculously emo but i guess its coming out that way. I feel like all i do is wait for prince charming to come around the corner and sweep me off my feet but he got lost or got distracted by some other girl with bigger boobs or a smaller ass. I need that prince charming that is flawed, that isnt absolutely perfect, but has a kickass personality and really connects with me. Ill accept flaws because everyone has them i mean i just wrote the first half of the blog all about my flaws. Its normal.
But what frustrates me is when i see an opportunity and i see it happening. I can see it clearly but i can’t do anything about it. its like squeezing a soaked towel and you never get all the water out. you squeeze and squeeze but you cant get anywhere. i feel like i’m running around in circles with this blog entry, lol i hope it makes sense :/
ok well i’m off to fend off hours of chemistry studying. oh why did i choose to become a doctor? lol
